Ever received a letter like this? Do you find it heart warming and informative, or want to scream? If it's the latter, read on for an alternative version ...
Tarquin, Henrietta, Rupert & Hugo
Our family in 2013
Dear friends & family
What a year 2013 has been!
We are all happy, fine, and still smiling.
Another year, another birthday! It was my 40th : an
excuse to celebrate in a number of parts including a week in St Lucia, skiing
in St Moritz, and a fizzy at home with close friends and a birthday cake on the
actual day.
School remains a joy for Rupert and Hugo; Henrietta and I
have enjoyed going to the boys’ parents evenings this year immensely! Rupert is in 3W now, he is really applying
himself and achieving a lot which is fantastic to watch. Hugo has the right attitude and always wants
to try different experiences; at the age of 5 he is already progressing well in
each of his core subjects. Both boys are
doing well, taking advantage of what the school has to offer. Long may progression and happiness at school
continue for both of them.
An impulse buy in the summer has been a lot of fun, a small
boat which we launched into our private lake for its maiden voyage. It is about 15 foot long, has a small cuddy
at the front and a 9.8hp engine on the back.
At the beginning of the year a family aspiration was to
learn to kayak. Some months later we
were the proud owners of 2 double inflatable Pointer K2s.
So, how hectic was 2013?
Very is the answer. Batteries
were topped up in Mexico for the New Year, sand under your toes at midnight is
highly recommended. In addition to my
birthday celebrations, we have been to Barcelona, Guernsey, Mexico, Lisbon,
Cumbria. We are off to St Lucia on 27 December and cannot wait!
Work continues as it does for all of us. Henrietta continues to work on the Canestan brand,
looking at new products and travels all over the world.
We have been having a lot of fun with old black and white
photos, my dear Nan gave me her collection recently. It is amazing what can be
done to improve photos, copy, enlarge and even colour provided you have the
knowledge.
Stay safe, merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year.
Lots of love
Tarquin, (Henrietta, Rupert & Hugo) xxx
Our version ...
Dear Random Email Contacts
What a year 2013 has been!
We are all happy, fine, and still smiling, thanks to our new GP who
prescribes valium much more liberally than the last one!
Another year … another 6 birthdays each … since we found out
that the Social send you a cheque on every birthday … at some point they may
realise that at the age of 42 I can’t really have had 36 birthdays in the last
3 years, but got to screw the system somehow to replace the lost benefits …
School remains a rarity for both Aran and Ben … Aran’s doing
so well, only 12 and got two girls pregnant … if we can persuade the
girlfriends to live with us that will boost our benefits even further. Ben is delighted with the increase in housing
association tenants at the back of our house, as he can now do his drug round in half the time, profits have climbed
to around £500 a week … result … Long may progression and achievement at school
continue for both of them. We are especially
proud of Aran as he now has letters
after his name … AS BO – ah, bless, not entirely sure what the ‘BO’ stands for
but he assures us he has worked hard to get them. Aran has a right attitude and frankly, if he
doesn’t buck up his ideas and start earning as much as his younger brother
he’ll be out on his ear by the end of next year. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you have to go
to the Social for that. Both Aran and
Ben are doing well, taking advantage of what the school has to offer, most of
which will shortly appear on ebay. We were particularly impressed with how Ben
managed to half-inch a smartboard out of school without being noticed, opening
bid price of £50 if anyone’s interested (no power supply included) …
An impulse buy in the summer has been a lot of fun as we saw
another pet come into the family … this
one seems to have jumped straight to the top of Clare’s favourites list as it
has been housed in her top bedside cabinet drawer and even glows in the dark. ‘Bright Eyes’ as we call it, is already on
its fourth set of batteries as Mark has been away a lot (at HM’s pleasure).
At the beginning of the year a family aspiration was to have
matching tattoos … the joy was only slightly diminished by Mark’s poor spelling
which resulted in ‘Love’ on our right hands and ‘Hake’ on our left … how we
laughed when we had to finish off Aran’s and Ben’s ourselves as the tattooist
refused.
So, how hectic was 2013?
Pay as you go phones were topped up in Tesco for the New Year as our
disastrous credit rating forced the cancellation of our phone contracts. Viagra
under your tongue at midnight is highly recommended … We celebrated the opening
of a our second Lidl store in town, and are proud to say we now have a Poundland,
Savers and Costcutter on the high street, reducing our reliance on Mark’s
shoplifting quite so much. We are off to
Homebase on 27 December: can’t afford to miss the first day of the Sales!
Work continues, as it does for all of us, except Mark, who
lost 2 jobs this year and is currently on the dole.
We have been having a lot of fun with old black and white
photos, so nice of Warwickshire Police to clear out their archives and return
our library of mug shots to us.
See you all again next year!
Clare, Mark, Aran & Ben Shuttlewood / Swift Xx
